


Darkness and its dangers

by StryderMel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 09:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1505381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StryderMel/pseuds/StryderMel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Metatron was defeated, Castiel disappeared. Dean tries his best to get over his best friend vanishing like that, while Sam can't stop thinking about Cas. Something must have happened. Things get worse, when Sam discovered the car, that almost killed his older brother, when they were kids...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just and old Chevrolet

“Screwdriver.”

Dean held out a hand and waited. One second later the tool was placed in his hand. With a nod he went back to work.

There was silence again. Sam sat on a chair, watching his brother fiddling with his car. It was something he saw every day. Something, that was normal. Dean’s hobby.

“You alright?”, Dean asked glancing over to his little brother.

Sam raised a single eyebrow. “Yeah, sure. Why’re you asking?”

The older one shrugged and stood up properly. “You’re really quiet.”

“I am a quiet kind of guy”, answered Sam, still a little confused, though he knew, what Dean was hinting at.

He threw the screwdriver away and looked at his brother with seriousness in his eyes. “Come on, Sammy. Tell me.”

There was silence again. Sam didn’t know how to answer. Of course there was something wrong. There was always something wrong, wasn’t there? If you’re hunting monsters _something wrong_ is clutching onto you like a vampire to a human being.

Still, they exchanged looks and Sam sighed. How could he think, he could hide it from his own brother? After all, he’s always been the only one to look right through him.

“Good”, said the younger brother finally. “If you want to know it so badly, I’ll tell you. But you won’t like it.”

The older shrugged. “I’m listening.”

Another sigh. “It’s about Cas.”

Annoyed Dean turned away. “Oh, not that again, Sam. I said we forget about it didn’t I?”

“You know, that I can’t. ‘Cause he’s my friend. And yours, too. Don’t even try to pretend that you don’t give a damn about him anymore. It’s getting ridiculous!”

The older brother looked at Sam in despise. “No, don’t you dare talk to me like that. Cas is old story. He’s gone, that’s it. I really don’t feel the need to talk about a dead Angel right now.”

Sam stood up abruptly. “We don’t know if he’s dead. I don’t believe that he is, Dean. It’s still Cas and he’s strong!”

Dean slammed the hood and groaned. “Whatever. I’m inside if you need me”, he said, while returning to the bunker.

After he left, Sam just sat back down on the chair. He tried to breathe, but there was something that wouldn’t let him. Why did they always have to fight? About Cas even. He was Dean’s best friend and even though Sam was sometimes pretty jealous because of him, he was still family. And he was Sam’s best friend, too, to be honest.

A few minutes passed and the young man was staring into the sky. Soon he folded his hands in his lap and closed his eyes. “Uhm… Cas? It’s me, Sam. Y’know… I’ve been thinking… Can you even hear me? Are you okay?” He waited a little, than he continued. “Hey, I know things are tough in heaven, but…” Sam opened his eyes. He couldn’t take it further. These were the only words he could get to. Never could he tell Cas, what he has been thinking.

Shaking off the feeling, Sam made his way back to the bunker as well, as he noticed something odd.

A car. Near the bunker. With no one around. Yeah, that wasn’t suspicious at all.

Sam made his way to it, when he remembered something. Something, from when he and Dean had just been children…

 

_“Dean, I don’t think this is a good idea…”, murmured Sam, as he followed Dean to a car that stood all by its own._

_The older brother turned to the younger. “Well, I told you, to stay in. But you wouldn’t listen. So let’s go check it out.”_

_Sam was nervous. He didn’t like it, when Dad got angry. And he got that really often, when Dean had some stupid ideas. “Can’t we just go back…?”_

_Dean let out an annoyed sigh. “If you’re scared then go back in!”_

_“I’m not scared!”, Sam disagreed and hurried a little. “I’m just having a bad feeling.”_

_“Nah, you’re just scared”, answered Dean with a cheeky grin. “Like a little girl.”_

_Sam kept following his brother, now with a pout on his face. “I’m not a girl”, he whispered._

_He could see his older brother chuckle even though it was pitch black all around them._

_After they reached the car, Dean touched the car and his eyes got big and large and they began to glitter. “Look at that baby…”_

_Sam reached for his brothers t-shirt. “Seriously, Dean… Can’t we go back now…?”_

_Dean tried to shake him off. “Oh, come on, Sammy! It’s not like we’re doing something evil here.”_

_But it felt wrong and dangerous to Sam. Then suddenly a groan ran through the dark. Both brothers jumped._

_“Dean…?”, the younger brother asked, but the older was faster. He grabbed Sam’s wrist and started running._

Sam snapped out of that flashback. He made his way to the car – it was the exact same one. The young man didn’t know well about cars, but he could tell that this was an old Chevrolet.

He was close to touch it, when he felt something odd. He turned around, but there was no one. He was alone.

With fast steps he made his way back to the bunker. Once he was inside, he yelled: “Dean?! Hey, we gotta talk!”

A sigh made its way through the room, as Dean entered it. “What’s the matter, little brother?”, he asked. “Have you seen a clown?”

“That was never funny”, answered Sam, as he rolled his eyes. “Listen, you remember when we were kids? I was eight, you were twelve?”

Dean just kept staring at him. “Yeah, because nothing odd ever happened in our lives. Be a bit more specific, man.”

But Sam just took his arm and dragged him out. They made their way to the car, but it was gone already. “But…”

“What’s wrong with you?”, the older brother asked, while he freed himself from Sam’s grip.

But fear began to rage in Sam’s body. “Oh, please don’t…”

“Sammy?”, Dean asked as he noticed his little brother becoming all pale. “You okay?”

Suddenly Sam’s legs gave in. Luckily Dean was able to catch him, before he hit the ground. Still, everything went black and Sam noticed how every feeling vanished. The last thing he heard was Dean yelling his name, followed by a creepy groan.


	2. Cars don't go to hell

When Sam opened his eyes, he saw his room in the Bunker. Carefully he sat up and looked around. Everything looked normal – everything felt normal. Though he knew, something was different. He tried to remember what happened last night. His memory told him, that he didn’t go to sleep. At least not in his bed.

Suddenly his door flew open and Dean came in. He looked at his little brother and sighed in relieve. “Thank god”, he muttered under his breath and then cleared his throat. “How are you, Sammy?”

Sam touched his forehead. A silent pain went through him. “I had better mornings. What happened?”

The older brother came closer, sat down on Sam’s bed and raised an eyebrow. “You don’t remember?”

Sam shook his head.

“You lost consciousness”, Dean explained. “You wanted to show me something, but you suddenly broke down.”

 _The car!_ , Sam remembered. “Dean! When you were 12 you almost died because of a ghost, do you remember?”

Dean seemed to think for a while. “You mean that car accident?”

Sam nodded enthusiastic.

 

_“Dean! What is that thing?!”, Sam shouted, as his brother led him back to the Motel._

_He didn’t answer until they were right in front of their room. While fiddling with after his keys, he answered: “I don’t know, Sam, but I don’t want to find out either.”_

_Sam still held onto him, even after the door was closed and they’ve been safely in the room._

_“Get the salt”, said Dean, as he shook his brothers hand away._

_Sam nodded and went to the kitchen. He opened the cupboards and took out the salt. He ran through the room and put salt in front of every window and the door._

_Dean looked out of one of the windows and turned around as his brother told him, that he was ready. “Good. Put a circle of salt around your bed and go to sleep.”_

_Sam went pale. “Sleep? You think I can sleep now? What about you?”_

_The older Winchester shook his head. “I’ll stay awake. Come on, Sammy, I’ll watch over you. I always do, don’t I?”_

Of course you do _, thought Sam, as he watched his brother turning to the window again._ You always watch over me.

_Sam sighed and did as Dean asked. It was silent and even though Sam was tired, he didn’t want to sleep. The lights were out and the only thing Sam could see was his brother’s silhouette in the moonlight. He kept staring at it, until his eyes were too exhausted. Eventually he fell asleep._

Dean shrugged. “Yeah, I remember. The old Chevrolet Corvette. Pretty car. But, yeah, it wanted to kill me, so… Not my favorite car.”

Sam nodded. “I saw it today.”

“You…”, Dean went pale. “No, Sammy, no. Dad got rid of it. The ghost is gone.”

A shiver went down the younger brother’s spine. “That’s what I thought, too. But it was the car, I’m 100% sure. And it vanished, just like that, Dean.”

He knew his older brother. And he knew when Dean was afraid. It was rare, but this happened now and then. And this was one of those times. Fright flew over Dean’s features and just for a second Sam thought that his brother would give in.

But suddenly he burst out into laughter. It was fake – of course it was. Sam knew his fake laugh. Still, it felt like he really didn’t care.

“Oh, come on, Sam! You know it’s not possible. That thing is dead. Dad sent it back to hell and there it’ll stay forever”, Dean said, as he made his way out of Sam’s room. He followed him. “Can you imagine that? A car in hell? Would be interesting…”

Sam wanted to yell at him. Really bad. But he knew he shouldn’t. Because _Dean_ was scared. His older brother was _scared_. And he would never tell his younger brother, that he – Dean Winchester – was afraid of a ghost. Not, that it was a regular ghost. It was one that almost got him _killed_. It was hard for Sam to remember, who had been most terrified though.

Dean snapped him out of his thoughts. “It was just your imagination, little brother. Let’s forget about it and see, if there’s any work to do.” He took a newspaper off the table and threw it at his younger brother. “There, look through it.”

Sam caught it and sat down. “Why do I have to search for jobs? You can do it just as well!”

The older one laughed and made his way out. “Sorry, gotta get us some food! And for me some good pie! When I’m back there’ll be a job to do, you hear me?”

“Sure”, Sam answered, as he watched Dean leave. After he was completely sure that he was gone, he threw the paper away and closed his eyes. “Cas?”, he asked, though he knew that it was useless. “Listen… I’ve been praying to you for… what? Weeks? Months? And you still won’t answer me. I know you’re not dead. I know that, but… It’s about Dean. That ghost… It really is a bastard. Tried to kill him once. Almost got him… Cas, if you can hear me than please… _please_ … Give me some kind of message. I believe in you.”

Sam opened his eyes and – nothing. Exactly what he expected. He grabbed the paper again and began to read through it. After half an hour he seemed to have found something supernatural. He took his phone and dialed Dean’s number… Nothing. He dialed his other phone… Nothing. His other phone… Nothing.

He grew impatient. That was not normal. Not at all. What if something happened to him? The car?!

Terrified, he jumped up and ran towards the door. He sprinted to a nearby standing car, cracked it open and short-circuited it. He drove towards the next shop, the next gas station the next mall… The Impala was nowhere to be found.

And then he stopped breathing, only for a brief moment. He rubbed his eyes, but it was not just a day-dream.

 _Dean!_ , screamed Sam’s brain and heart and rage went through him. This was not good. Not at all. He would smash this car. And if it would be the last thing he would do… he’d do it.

A young woman accidently crushed into Sam and he had to keep her from falling. She apologized with a little blush on her cheeks and kept going, though as Sam looked back, to where the old Corvette stood, he was shocked. It was gone.

 _No, no, no, no! NO!_ Sam ran back to the car he stole and stopped. “Cas! Come on!”

“I’m begging you, Cas! It’s about Dean, god dammit!!”

“I’m sorry”, a familiar voice said and as Sam wanted to turn around and look at the stupid angel-friend of his, something hit him and he felt to the floor. “I’m really sorry, Sam.”

Then everything went black.


	3. Your prayers will be heard

The first thing Sam noticed, when he woke up was, that he laid on some kind of bench. He didn’t dare to open his eyes, though, because he had the feeling, that he wasn’t alone. The second thing Sam noticed, was, that he was tired of passing out.

Carefully he opened his eyes and looked right at Castiel. Shocked he sat up straight. “Cas!”

Castiel kept staring at him a little longer, but then he spoke. “Hello, Sam.”

“What…” Sam tried to stand up, but Cas pushed him back to the bench. “Hey, what are you doing?”

But Cas didn’t answer. In his eyes was some kind of pain, but Sam didn’t know how to describe it exactly. “You called out to me.”

The memory suddenly came back to the Winchester. “Yeah and you beat me unconscious!”

A sigh went through the small, dark room. “I am sorry, Sam. I told you. I just tried to help.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “That’s not how you help people, Castiel! Now, why did you come in the first place? I prayed to you _every day_ , but nothing. Nothing. And now, that I am in ‘danger’ you come to save me? Even though I told you, that Dean was in danger? Are you serious?!”

“Sam, calm down”, Cas said, but it was hard for him, to keep Sam in his place. “I can explain, if you just let me.”

Sam glared at the angel, but remained silent.

“I heard you. Every single time you prayed. I knew that Dean was in danger, but he wouldn’t let me find him.”

Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion. “How does he do that?”

Cas began to smile slightly. “He doesn’t do anything. It was me who did that. To him and to you, too.”

That took Sam a moment to understand. “So… We’re protected from angels…” Castiel nodded. “But you still didn’t react, when I told you that Dean is in danger! He may even be dead! But you don’t care, do you?”

The angel sighed as he sat down on the bench, next to Sam. “I wanted to. Really. But heaven is still in ashes. It takes time to rebuild everything.”

“But you came to rescue me!”, Sam complained.

Cas nodded. “You were in danger. If I wouldn’t have come and save you…”

“I might be, where Dean is!”

“No, you would not.”

Sam looked to the ground. “How do you know?”

Castiel stood up again and walked around the room. “That ghost knows how to work without being noticed. It tricked your father once into making him believe, he killed it.”

Nodding, Sam got up as well. “We have to find Dean, Cas.”

“How?”, he asked. “I can’t find him.”

Sam thought for a moment. “Can’t you visit him in his dream?”

“I can try.”

 

_A loud crash made its way through the darkness. Sam sat up abruptly and looked around. The glass from the windows lay in the whole room and the salt lines were all disconnected. “Dean?”, Sam called out, his voice small and full of fear. “Dean?”, asked again, louder this time._

_It was quiet. Slowly Sam made his way out of his bed and walked towards the door. He opened it with shaking hands. “Dean?”, he called out._

_Then suddenly there was a groan. The one he heard when his brother and he had investigated the car._

_“Dean?!”, Sam now yelled, running out of the house. It was a stupid idea, but what would you expect from an 8 year old?_

_There was a scream – Dean! It was Dean, Sam was sure, 100%!_

_“Dean!” The little Winchester ran in the direction from where the scream was heard. He knew there was danger – Dean never screamed. But… it was_ Dean _._

_“Let… No… Let go!” Dean’s voice._

_Sam made it to his older brother, who was lying under the car. “Dean!”_

_The older Winchester turned and looked at his brother. “No! Sammy, run!”_

_“But…” He couldn’t just run and leave his brother to die… So he picked up some rocks and began to throw. “Don’t! Touch! My! Brother!”_

_I didn’t work out as planned, but at least the car seemed confused and got off his brother. “Iron, Sammy!”, Dean shouted, as he got up. “It’s a ghost!”_

_Sam nodded, as he turned on his heels. He ran back to the motel room to grab the guns with iron bullets in them. Then he turned around to get back to his brother. It was the first time for him to actually see a ghost, but he knew, that he needed to be tough now._

_“Sam!”, Dean yelled, as he saw him coming around the corner._

_Understanding, Sam gave his brother one gun, while Sam held on to the other._

_He felt the worried look on Dean’s face, but both tried to be as brave as they could now. That’s when everything got messed up…_

Sam buried his face in his hands. It was one of the most terrifying things, he had ever experienced…

He was sitting now in the small room, alone – Cas has been gone for a few minutes now. Of course, he didn’t tell the Winchester boy where he was going, or when he’d come back… If he’d even come back, but that was Castiel.

He tried to calm his pounding heart. It was about Dean. Dean, the best hunter Sam has ever known. The best hunter on planet. He wouldn’t be captured by a ghost. And not by one in the shape of a car. But still… Dean was afraid of that ghost… What if…

 _No_ , he warned himself. _Don’t think like that. He’s fine. Dean is fine._

“Sam.”

Sam turned around to see Cas standing behind him. “Cas? What is it?”

The angel seemed worried. “I think I found him.”


	4. Dying is not an option

“You found him?”

Castiel nodded, though his face was hard and even a little bit scared.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Well, what’s the matter then?”

“I…” Cas tried to find the words, but it was harder as he thought. “I don’t think that we’ll be able to reach him alive.”

It was, as if someone pierced a knife through his heart. “Do you mean… We’ll be dead before we reach him or he’ll be dead before we reach him.”

Castiel held Sam’s gaze. “Both.”

It was, as if there was a deep hole in Sam’s head. Everything twisted and he seemed to lose his balance and fell to the floor. He was able to spread out his arms though, so he landed on them, panting for air.

“Sam…”

“No”, Sam answered shaking his head. “No, Cas. Take me to him.”

The angel made a sound that was neither human, nor enochian – Sam could tell.

The Winchester looked up to him. “It’s Dean, Castiel. Dean Winchester. My brother. Your best friend. I’m begging you.”

 

_Dean tried to shoot the car but it was really fast._

_Sam realized how horrible he was. He couldn’t shoot correctly and if he really got to shoot, he forgot the recoil._

_He really was a crappy shot._

_“Sam!”, Dean yelled, as he pushed his little brother out of the way. The ghost got over him again, trying to_ eat _him and Sam was paralyzed for a moment. He pulled himself together soon and shot the car._

_He hit the target and the ghost vanished._

_Dean got to his feet and ran towards his little brother. “Good shot, Sammy! Now, back to the motel, hurry up!”_

_They sprinted to their room in the motel and did everything again: salt in front of the now broken windows, the door and around Sam’s bed. But this time they both sat on it, while Dean called their father._

_“Dad?”, Dean asked and sighed in relief. “Yeah, it’s me. Listen, Sam and me, we have some problems with a ghost here and –”_

_Suddenly it was quiet._

_Sam kept staring at his older brother, but he just sat there, mouth wide open, staring at nothing. “… Dean?”, the younger Winchester asked carefully. “Dean, what is it…?”_

_Fear. There, on Dean’s face. Fear. Nothing, but fear. He threw the phone across the room and held his head afterwards. Meanwhile he rocked his body back and forth. “Make it stop…”, he whispered all the time. “Make it stop…”_

_That was enough to give Sam the creeps. “Dean, what is happening?!”_

_But Dean didn’t answer. He did nothing. He just sat there, rocking himself back and forth, trying to keep the tears from dripping, holding his head, as if there was someone in his brain._

No, not someone _, Sam told himself._ Something!

_“Dean, you have to listen to me!”, Sam yelled, grabbing his brothers hands. He didn’t stop acting like a madman. Sam didn’t expected him to. “No, really, Dean, please, please look at me!”_

_“Make it stop… Please…”, he kept pleading._

_Sam pushed forward and hugged his older brother. “Listen to me. All my life you protected me. Now it’s my job to protect you.”_

_Still no answer from the older Winchester, but he seemed to get calmer now._

_“It’s alright”, Sam said. “It won’t do anything bad anymore to you, Dean.”_

_It felt awkward, telling him exactly the same, as Dean always told him, when he was scared. But it seemed to work, so Sam just kept going._

_“Please… Make it stop…” Dean swallowed the tears. “Make it stop, Sammy.”_

_Now Sam was the one to keep himself from crying. Dean wanted his help. Dean, the strong Dean Winchester needed his little brother’s help._

_He almost got Dean calm. Almost. But that was the moment it happened. Never has Sam been more scared in his whole life._

_Suddenly the car crashed into the house, running over both brothers at once._

_Sam was lucky. Dean not so much._

_Because it was always about saving Sam, wasn’t it? If it weren’t for Dean, jumping right in front of Sam in the right time, he would be dead._

_Then everything happened too fast. The car drove over them, Dean being unconscious and Sam with a broken arm. The ghost made itself ready for attacking. But there was a shot._

“We’re here”, Castiel said, while they were standing in front of an old warehouse.

Sam looked at him. “He’s in there, you say?”

Cas nodded. “He’s in there.”

For a brief moment, Sam hesitated. He wanted to get inside, hell, he needed to get inside! But what about Castiel? He couldn’t just take him with him. It would get dangerous and he didn’t need Dean’s words to come true. He didn’t need a dead angel. Mostly not if that dead angel was Cas. “I’m going in.”

As Sam started walking, Castiel followed him.

“No, Cas. I’m going in _on my own_ ”, Sam explained. “You wait here for Dean and me to get out. I’m sure we’ll need you then.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I’m coming with you, Sam. It’s dangerous in there and you could get hurt.”

This made Sam think. Was Castiel really that worried about him? Or was it just about Dean? The Winchester boy wasn’t sure, but he didn’t really care anyway. He was just really grateful.

“No, I’m going in, you stay out, understood, Clarence?”

This made Cas stop in mid-move.

A grin growing on his face, Sam practically _ran_ into the warehouse, ready to kill everyone who would get in his way. What he did. Walking, killing, sneaking, killing, hiding, killing…

That was, when he finally made it to the basement. _If Castiel is right, he must be in that basement. And if he’s right… Well…_

Sam’s probably gonna die.

But that was not of importance. Not at all.

Quietly he opened the door to the basement and slipped in. He sneaked around, looking for a trace of his brother, when he suddenly heard his voice.

“You want to eat me? Do it, you son of a bitch.”

Sam closed his eyes. _He’s still able to be cheeky. That’s a good sign, isn’t it?_

But after he heard his brother cry out in pain, he overthought that again.

“Ahahaha”, made Dean and Sam could hear him kicking something. “I’m gonna get outta here and I’m gonna finish what my dad wasn’t able to do. I promise you, you disgusting brat.”

Another cry filled with pain ran through the basement.

Sam was close to run to his brother, when something hit him and he fell to the ground. _No, not again, not now!_ , Sam screamed in his head before his vision went black again, followed by the screams of his brother.


	5. Dead or alive

“Dad!”, Sam shouted, as he sat up. He stopped in mid-move after he felt the pain in his arm. “Ouch!”  
John went immediately to the older brother to check, if he was still alive. Gladly he was, so the man checked the younger one. “Sam, come here. I’m gonna call an ambulance, it’ll be alright, okay?”  
As his father helped him stand, Sam got to his brother. “Dean…?”  
No answer.  
“The ambulance is on its way.” He crouched down beside the little boy. “Listen, Sammy. We will drive to the hospital. There you’ll take care of your brother, you hear me? I’ll go to get rid of that ghost, okay? It’s important.”  
Sam nodded but remained silent. He had to look out for Dean. It was his job to keep him safe. Just for once.  
He would not disappoint his father.

“Sammy!”  
That’s Dean’s voice, Sam realized, as he woke up.  
“Sam! Come on! You son of a bitch, if he’s hurt, I’m going to rip your throat out and send you back to hell faster than you can beg for help!”  
The only thing Sam could hear was a maniac laughter. Slowly he opened it eyes, but everything was blurry.  
“Sam?!”  
Sam’s head snapped to the direction, where Dean’s voice came from.  
“Thank god, Sammy. You okay? Say something.”  
The young Winchester waited, until his vision was clear again. “Yes… Yeah, I guess I’m fine…” He moaned. His head hurt like hell. “What about you?”  
A little grin was shown by the older brother. He looked like he has been captured for weeks – it was awful. Bruises everywhere, dried blood, tired eyes, bound to a chair, just like Sam. “Yeah, I’m good”, Dean answered as he sighed. “But why are you here? The ghost was after me, wasn’t it?”  
Sam raised an eyebrow. Wasn’t it obvious? “I searched for you.”  
Dean looked confused. “You… how did you find me?”  
Should I mention Cas? How will he react?, Sam asked himself, but he came to the decision to not lie to his brother. “Castiel brought me here.”  
For a moment, Dean had a scared look on his face. Then he tried to relax. “So he’s not dead. And he brought you here. Into that kind of danger. That son of a bitch.”  
“No, I asked him to, Dean. It’s not his fault.”  
“Well, he shouldn’t have said yes!”  
“He didn’t – not really –“  
“Ah, this is getting boring”, said the voice from before and Sam turned to look at the person. It was a fairly good looking young woman, who just sat there on her own chair – free and grinning at them both. “You have some family business to talk about, I get it. But shouldn’t you think about, what’s going to happen to you both? Any last words before you die maybe? I mean, you’re brothers. I’d have some last words for my brother.”  
Dean rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Oh, shut up there!”  
The woman shook his head. “Oh, Dean. Not learning, are we?” She grabbed a knife and went to Dean. Then, slowly she moved the knife over his skin – into his flesh.  
Dean cried out in pain, but still got the urge to smile. “I can’t get enough, lovely.”  
Angry she slapped him, then took the knife and went over to Sam. “Fine. Let’s see how you’re little brother will take it.”  
“What?!”, Dean yelled as he tried to move out of instincts. The instinct to save his brother from pain.  
Sam shifted in his seat, trying to get away but it was no use.  
The woman came to him and cut his arm as deep, as she just cut Dean. Sam cried out as well, clenching his teeth.  
Dean shut his eyes tight and looked away. “Stop it.”  
The woman just laughed as she saw the blood running down Sam’s arm. “Oh, come on! It’s only some little fun! Seeing your brother suffer is the worst you can imagine, isn’t it, Dean? And the worst your little brother can imagine is seeing you suffer! It’s so refreshing! Such a great friendship between brothers. You are each other weaknesses, which makes it really easy to torture you.”  
Sam threw his head into his neck, as the woman sat down on her chair. “Can I… Can I ask a question?”  
She shrugged. “I don’t know if you can. But you’re allowed to, young Winchester.”  
“Well… thanks… I guess.” Sam let out a long breath. “Who are you and what exactly is going on?”  
A giggle left her mouth. “Those were two questions. But I’m in a good mood, so I’m going to answer them both. My name is Zilla. And I’ve found your older brother. You remember my loyal friend?”  
For a moment, Sam needed to think, then it stroke him. “You mean that car?”  
Zilla grinned. “Yes, exactly. After your stupid brother saved your life, I had to find him and kill him. It’s actually too late now, but, hey. I never leave things undone. So I’m going to kill him and then you.” She looked at Dean. “Be happy, Dean! You don’t have to watch your brother die. I’m being nice here!”  
Dean smirked. “Bite me.”  
A sigh left her lips. “Oh, you Winchesters. So different, but still kind of the same. Let’s go through a little more pain, will we, Sammy?”  
Sam flinched, as she used the nickname only Dean was allowed to use. “Bite me, too.”  
“That’d be awkward”, she answered and grinned. “So both of you get some cutting. Ah, fun!”  
Both Winchester boys made it through more cutting and screaming.  
Zilla sad down on her chair again. All three remained silent. Sam had time to remember again…

“I don’t know exactly what happened”, John explained to the paramedic. “But I know, that one of my sons is unconscious and the other one has a broken arm and is traumatized. So please, just take care of them.”  
The man nodded as he put away the clipboard. “I understand, Mr. Jones. We’ll take care of the two boys, we promise.”  
Sam saw, how his father just nodded. His attention flew back to Dean, who was just lying still and silent, making his younger brother feel bad and guilty.  
It has been his fault, that his older brother has been attacked. His fault, that he was about to die. How could he live with that? He told his older brother, that everything was going to be fine. But it wasn’t. He was unconscious. That wasn’t fine.  
Sam looked up to his father. “Dad…”  
John’s attention was now focused on him. “Yes, Sammy?”  
The youngest Winchester swallowed his fear. “Was it my fault?”  
“No, Sam”, was the answer and John sighed, as he saw, that Sam started to cry. “It was no one’s fault. And now, don’t cry. You’re almost a man, remember?”  
Sam nodded carefully. “I’m tired, dad.”  
John touched his forehead. “Get some sleep. You’re save here, you’re save.”  
And slowly, Sam drifted to sleep. The last thing he saw was Dean’s calm face, peaceful, as if nothing has ever happened.  
Sam hoped for a good dream, but of course, he had a nightmare.  
It was about that ghost car. And about Dean. And about him being run over. About him dying. And emotions crashed into Sam, as he cried out for his brother, lying there, no life in his body, just a corpse, broken. Dead.  
Sam woke up screaming. He soon realized, that he was in a hospital, in the bed next to him lay his older brother.  
As silent as possible Sam got up and went to Dean’s bed. “Dean?”  
He received no answer.  
“Dean, are you alive?”, Sam asked, though he knew the answer. The electrocardiogram beeped in a – as it seemed – healthy tact.  
Still, tears trailed down Sam’s cheeks. “This is all my fault…” He didn’t even made the effort to wipe them away. “You protected me. Why do you always have to protect me? You’ll get yourself killed one day!” Frustration ran through Sam’s whole body, as he punched the mattress as hard as he could. “I can take care of myself, Dean! I’m not just a kid anymore!” Sam laid his head down on the mattress. “And I’m gonna show you that. ‘Cause now I’ll take care of you.” He looked down at his broken arm. “I’m going to make up for the pain you went through. I’m going to be a good little brother. I will protect you. And I will even die for you, if that’s needed. I will sacrifice myself if necessary. You’ll see. I’ll be the best and bravest little brother you’ve ever known. And I won’t leave you, not ever.”

And I won’t leave you, not ever, Sam recalled looking at his feet, trying to keep the tears in his eyes from falling. Everything he said back then… A lie. Just one single, big, fat lie. Dean went to hell to save him. Sam never really protected him. He always got into danger. And he left him. Him and Dad to go to college. He was being so selfish and still… Dean would still do anything for him.  
That wasn’t fair, Sam knew. And he would get his brother out of this. I will die, Sam said, looking at his older brother. I will die, while saving the most important person in my life. That’s a good way to go. That’s how I want to go. That’s how I’m going to go.  
And there would be nothing getting in his way.


	6. Just a few drops

"Oh, come on you guys", said Zilla with a sigh. "Let's have a talk. Maybe a little fight! Sam, aren't you mad at Dean that he left alone, even though he knew it would be dangerous?"

Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What? No, I mean... I didn't even think about that, so, no."

Zilla sighed, shaking her head. "Good. Okay then. Dean, aren't you mad at little Sammy, because he followed you and got in danger?"

A smirk appeared on Dean's face. "I would have done the same thing, so... Nope, not really."

The woman with the long black hair threw her head into her neck. "Booooring! Both of you, boring! Let me think... Yeah, what about this Castiel fella? You seem mad, Dean."

Sam could see, how his brother fought with himself.

"I am", he spit out and Sam sighed in annoyance. "Anything you want to tell me, little brother?"

Sam turned to him, wearing his best bitch-face. "It wasn't his fault. I wanted to come alone. I came alone, that's it. Let it be."

Dean's anger seemed to grow. "Excuse me? How long has it been? 4 months? You prayed to him for 4 months and what happened? Nothing. And now he just comes down to earth, only to get you into danger! I can't believe we ever trusted him!"

"He explained that to me, Dean! And don't get jealous because your best friend came to me and not to you!"

Sam heard Zilla giggle, but he was too much into the fight with his brother.

Dean snapped: "Jealous?! I don't give a damn about this stupid angel! He just should have taken better care of you! Why are you defending him anyways?"

"Because he's my friend, Dean! I've always trusted him. And he always trusted us!"

Angry, Dean kicked his own chair. "You know what?! If we get out alive, you can gladly take your little angel friend and go wherever the fuck you want!"

Sam's anger rose every second. "Why, thank you for that blessing! I'd gladly do that!"

Then there was silence. Zilla stood up, as she clapped into her hands. "That was beautiful, thank you! Now, I'm going to take care of your angel friend, while you two can keep talking about how great family is. Thanks for telling me about the angel though." And with that she left.

Sam made sure, that she was gone, then he turned to his brother. "I'm sorry."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, me too. I didn't mean that, you know. I just hope Cas is smarter than that bitch."

Sam nodded carefully. "Yeah..."

 

_Sam woke up, as he felt something moving. He looked up and saw, that he has been sleeping with his head on Dean's bed, whose owner now sat upright in it, staring down at his little brother._

_"Sam", he whispered, coughing a little._

_The young Winchester almost jumped. "Oh my god! You're okay, Dean?"_

_Dean nodded carefully, as he raised his hand to his head. "Yeah, just a slight headache. What happened?"_

_Sam started to explain everything. From the moment they examined the car, till the moment they were lying in the ambulance._

_The older Winchester just stared at his brother’s arm, almost, as if he was the one in pain. "This is my fault. I'm sorry, Sammy."_

_Confused, Sam jumped on the bed, next to his brother. "You're kidding, right? You saved my life! I'd be dead if it wasn't for you!"_

_Dean smiled slightly. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right." He lay an arm around his little brother. "I am just glad, that we're both alive. So, Dad has been gone the whole night, you say?"_

_Sam nodded. "Yeah. I hope everything's okay."_

_Dean smiled a little. "We're talking about Dad. Of course he's okay."_

_Again, a smile was seen on Sam's face, as he leaned a little against his brother. "You scared me, Dean."_

_"I did?", Dean asked, looking at his brother with a sad look. "I'm sorry, Sam. But it's okay now. You're save... We're save."_

_The brown haired boy nodded again. "I don't like the family business, Dean. I don't like this job."_

_"I know, Sammy." Sam felt something watery falling into his neck. "I know."_

It took Zilla several minutes to come back, but she didn’t look very happy, so Sam assumed, that Cas has been able to escape. “You’re being so quiet, my dears.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

But he should. Because Sam had an idea. The one idea that would save his older brother. One that would kill him, but let Dean out alive. Of course he wouldn’t like it. That’s why he had to be faster. He would do the right thing. He had to.

“Sam”, Zilla said, while sitting down on her chair again. “Your little angel is an idiot.”

It took Sam some willpower not to yell at her, but he needed her to come to him, to hurt him even. So he hoped Dean would start to yell.

He didn’t. Of course he didn’t. It was about Sam.

“Yeah, I agree”, was the only thing he said and Zilla smiled a little.

“Good boy.” A giggle was heard. “Maybe I could let you go and just kill your brother, but… You would hunt me down for that, wouldn’t you?”

Dean nodded, a smirk on his face. “Yeah, I would. And I would torture you for that.”

Zilla grinned. “Yeah, you would. Sammy, how about a little cut?”

“Oh, come on!” Dean threw his head into his neck. “Are you being serious?”

She came closer, while Sam made himself ready. When she was close enough, Sam freed his hands and attacked her. It happened fast: he took the knife to make a cut into her wrist. Quickly, he took a small jar out of his jacket and caught as much blood as possible. Unnoticed, he slipped it back into his jacket.

“Ohhh, you did not just do that!” Zilla grabbed him and threw him at the chair. “Now you both will feel pain!”

Dean looked at his brother – was that fright on his face? He looked at the demons wrists and then back at Sam, his lips forming questioning words. Seconds late he screamed as loud as possible, because Zilla’s knife was rammed into his leg.

Sam listened, shutting his eyes and forming his plan. This would end soon. He would save his brother. Just this once. Just this once, his brother will live and he will die.


	7. I'm sorry

Once Zilla was gone again, Dean turned to Sam immediately. “What the hell did you do? Did you really take her blood? Do you want to –”

Sam sighed, as he looked to the ground. “Dean, I… I’m sorry, but yes. I do want to drink that blood.”

“No, you won’t!”, Dean shouted, shaking his head. “Sam, you will just get yourself into the junkie being again!” When Sam didn’t answer, Dean seemed to understand. “Sammy… No, you… You don’t _want_ to survive that, don’t you?”

The younger Winchester closed his eyes, unable to meet his brother’s gaze. “I know you don’t want that, hell, I can totally understand that, but… It’s the only way.”

Dean stared at the ground, trying to keep the tears from falling. “No, it’s not. Sam, we’ve been through that. I can’t go on if you die.”

“And I can’t go on if _you_ die. And if we both die here, that would be stupid.”

The older Winchester shook his head again. “I don’t think, that they’ll kill us. I mean, think about it. They wanted to. They still do, but nothing happened yet. They need us. We should wait for something to happen…”

Sam didn’t trust his own eyes. “You… what?! This is not you talking, Dean! Just keep waiting for something to happen?! No, definitely not. I’m going to save you. You’re my big brother and that’s what I want to do. Save you.”

Dean looked up at the ceiling, than back to the ground. “You’re an idiot, Sam. That’s insane. You’re insane. You can’t do that. I can’t… We’ve lost so much. You and me both. And now you seriously want to leave me, too? Sam, I won’t let that happen…”

“You won’t have a chance”, Sam answered, freeing his arms again and pulling the small jar out of his jacket.

Dean tried to free himself as well, but it didn’t work out. “How the hell did you do that?!”

Sam came closer to his brother freeing him. “I have my tricks, too. And now we wait until that whore comes back.”

Standing up, the older Winchester made his way to his younger brother. “Please don’t, Sam.”

Seeing the pain in his older brother’s eyes, Sam turned away. He wouldn’t let his brother do that. He wouldn’t let him destroy everything. “Take care, will you?”

“No”, Dean answered, as he grabbed Sam’s shoulder to spin him around. “I’m supposed to say those words. I’m supposed to keep you safe. It’s been my job since forever!”

Sam pushed his hand away. “I don’t give a damn, Dean! You’re fired.”

It looked like Dean wanted to answer something, when suddenly the door burst open. Zilla came in with her hair flowing after her, her face turning white. “How did you…?”

For the last time, Sam looked at Dean and said: “I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault, remember that.” After that he opened the little jar and drank the blood.

“You don’t dare!”, Zilla screamed, but Sam had already raised his hands and Dean flew out of the room, every door closing shut.

The only thing that was heard, was Dean slamming at the door, yelling his brother’s name.

Zilla looked around for a while, then her gaze went back to Sam. “You can’t kill me. It was so little blood, not even you freak could kill me right now.”

Sam shook his head. “Oh yes, I can. It will take my whole power, but I can do it.”

“That will kill yourself!”, Zilla screamed, scared to death.

A little smirk was shown on Sam’s lips. “That’s the plan.”

 

_“Dean, I’m bored!”_

_The older brother sighed in annoyance. “Hey, shut up there. At least you’re allowed to leave your bed. I’m stuck in here!”_

_Sam looked at his older brother and sat down on his bed next to him. “Yeah, but it’s boring going around alone. What are you watching?”_

_Bored, Dean switched around the channels, not finding anything worth watching. “Nothing. There’s nothing on TV.” The turned the apparatus off and threw the remote control on the table next to him._

_Sam nodded. “I wonder when Dad comes back.”_

_“I bet he lets us recover first before he’ll make his way back”, Dean said, shrugging. “How’s your arm doing?”_

_The younger Winchester shook his head. “Better, it’ll be fine. But you don’t seem okay…”_

_Dean rolled his eyes and messed up his little brother’s hair a little. “Oh, come on. Who am I?”_

_Confused Sam tilted his head to the right. “You’re Dean Winchester, my older brother.”_

_Dean nodded, almost, as if he was proud of those words. “Hell yeah, I am. And I’ll always be okay, don’t you know that?”_

_A little bit of guilt went through the young brother. Of course Dean would be okay. It was_ Dean _. “Yes, yes, you’re right. I know that.”_

_Then, it was silent between them again. But it was a comfortable silence. They never really felt the need to say something when they were together, it was just good, that they were together. Because sometimes, it looked like they would lose each other._

_That was, when Sam began to yawn and his eyes falling shut now and then._

_“Sammy, go to bed. You’re tired.”_

_But he just shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’ll stay awake. It’s only 10 pm…”_

_Dean patted his head. “Which is late enough for you. Come on, get into your bed.”_

_“Just…” Another yawn. “Just one more minute, yes, Dean?”_

_Dean wanted to say something, but he looked at his brother – curled up beside him, drifting off to sleep. A smile was shown by the older brother. Carefully, Dean lay down beside him, throwing the blanket over them both. “Good night, Sammy”, Dean whispered, before closing his eyes and falling asleep as well._

“Sam!”, Dean yelled punching the door, throwing himself at him, but it was no use. “Sam, stop that!” But there was no answer. Fear made its way through Dean’s body, as he kept trying to break the door open. How was his little brother still so strong? “Sammy, let me in!!”

But it would not work. Sam would die. And Dean had to let this happen. How could he… Sam knew him, Sam knew what it would do to him. Why didn’t he…?

“SAMMY!”

Suddenly a white jolt went through the slots under the door.

When it was gone, Dean was able to open the door easily. Terrified, he made his way into the room, looking around. His gaze went to the familiar body in the room that was lying on the floor… Lifeless…

“No…” Dean felt numb – there was no feeling in him. Slowly he fell to his knees. “No, no, no…” He wanted to touch his brother so bad, but he was scared… So scared… “Sammy…?” He held a hand out, but didn’t touch him. “Sam, come on…”

He barely noticed how someone laid a hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t flinch, knowing, that it was Castiel.

“I am sorry, Dean”, said the familiar voice, even though there was something new in it. _Pain_.

But that wasn’t enough. How could that be enough?! Angry, Dean pulled away from Cas. He stood up and looked at him, tears streaming down his face. “It’s your fault! You should have taken care of him! You let him walk in here alone! How could you!?”

Cas looked to the ground. “I know that it’s my fault. And it hurts me, but we have to go now, Dean. Even though the angel is dead, the car is still active.”

“You know what? I don’t care! Let it kill me, whatever! I’ve had enough. I can’t go on. Not like this.”

“Dean –”

Dean shook his head immediately. “NO! Leave! I don’t want to see you anymore!” He turned his back to Castiel and waited, until he heard the sound of wings. He then fell back to his knees, touching Sam’s chest and waiting. But there was no breathing. He was dead. His little brother was dead. The most important person in his life – gone. Dead.

 

 _“And I won’t leave you, not ever_.”


	8. A place, perfect for the both of us

Dean stared at his little brothers corpse, trying to keep his eyes open. Even if he could fall asleep, he wouldn’t dare to. Nightmares followed him everywhere. Even daydreaming would let him remember, that his little brother was dead.

From time to time Castiel appeared, looking at Sam as well, but no words were spoken. The first time Cas made his way to the motel Dean was staying at, he tried to communicate, but Dean simply chose to ignore him. It hurt to talk about anything right now. Everything did hurt.

Right now, Dean was sitting next to his brother, waiting for him to turn around or sit up or anything that breathing people would do. But of course, he wasn’t breathing. Dead people didn’t breathe…

“Dean”, Castiel said and even though he was ignored, he kept talking. “I know, you don’t want to talk about that. But it’s about Sam. We need to talk about him.”

The Winchester Boy looked at the angel, then back at the dead body. “I don’t need to do anything.”

Castiel sighed. “Your brother is safe and sound in heaven. You should be happy for him and don’t pity his dead.”

“I know he is. But I am selfish.” Dean shifted on his chair. “You could bring him back, couldn’t you?”

It was quiet for a bit, then Cas answered: “Yes, I could. But it wouldn’t be Sam anymore.”

Dean turned around to face him. “Why so?”

“He was ready to go. He made up his mind, said goodbye to anything, to his life. If I’d get him back, he would be emotionless. He’d be practically dead, but walking and breathing. He wouldn’t care about anything going on, wouldn’t care about you in any way.”

“How can you be so sure?”, Dean asked, looking at the ground, trying to imagine his baby brother like that. He once was without his soul, but he still had some kind of emotions.

Castiel sat down next to the Winchester. “This isn’t my first time bringing someone back who said goodbye to the life he once had.” He seemed to fight with himself a while, then he laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “It’s okay to feel this way, Dean. It’s natural.”

Dean snorted. “Oh, yeah, right, Cas. I understand… I just wish, that… that _I_ could say a proper goodbye. I never had the chance to.”

“You’ll see each other again”, Cas answered, as if that was obvious.

Dean raised an eyebrow and kept staring at him.

Cas shifted uncomfortably on his chair. “Okay, I don’t think we ever talked about that… But you know… Whatever I say now, don’t get overhead, okay? Think everything through.” After Dean nodded, Castiel continued. “So, I was in Sam’s heaven. He let me in, which I really appreciate. We talked and he told me, that he could imagine how you feel. But you’d see each other again, Dean. Because soul mates always share a heaven, which you and Sam are. He even said, that if the moment would come, he’d make you a place, but right now, it wouldn’t be your time.”

Dean just kept staring at the angel, trying to process his words. Sam was in heaven, the same heaven, Dean would get. They’d share a heaven, be together forever. He would be able to have family time with him… Do the things they couldn’t when they were kids. Be _family_.

“But you listen”, Cas said, noticing the realization in his friends eyes. “He said, if it was time for you to die. Not yet. He also mentioned, that if you made a deal, you’d better live forever, because he would kill you if you made on step into hell.”

Even though he was tired as hell, he still managed to chuckle. “Yeah, that’s Sammy…”

Cas eyes became sad as he watched the Winchester. It was hard to really understand his feelings, because even though he missed Sam too and blamed himself, it was still hard for him to understand humans. He could just imagine, that Dean wanted Sam back on earth, just like Castiel did. Of course he’d never say that. It would only make Dean more miserable.

“So… I’m just supposed to keep going, yeah?”, Dean asked, looking at the angel insecure. “Just like nothing had ever happened? Me, alone? Against all those sons of bitches out there? He thinks I can manage to do so?”

Castiel touched Sam’s hand slightly. Dean’s look snapped to the dead body again, his features showing pain again. “Yeah, he does, Dean. He knows you’re strong enough to live your life like you want to.”

Dean smiled slightly and leaned back in his chair. “I’ll try. For him. You can go to his heaven and tell him, that when I’m coming, he will have to watch his ass. ‘Cause I’m going to kick him for that.”

Cas looked at Dean one last time and nodded. “That I’ll do.” And the next second, he was gone.

He waited a little longer, then the smile fell from Dean’s face. He put his head in his hands and sighed. “Sammy… I won’t let you alone that long, okay? I just… need some time. And even though I know you want me to live till I’m old…” He looked right at his dead brother. “But you know I can’t do that… You’ll have a good, old hunter funeral tomorrow, alright? And don’t you worry about me. I can handle myself just fine.” He stood up. “See you in heaven, bitch.”

 

Castiel knocked and the door flew open.

Sam looked up, to look at his angel friend, a smile playing on his face. Right in front of him was a picture of two little boys, playing catch. “Hey, Cas. You’ve talked to him?”

The angel nodded and came closer. He realized, that those two boys were in fact 9 year old Dean and 5 year old Sam, playing in front of Bobby’s house. “I did. And he said he’d understand.”

Smirking, Sam looked back at the children. “Yeah, of course he did say that. Just… did he mean it?”

For a brief moment there was silence, then the Angel spoke: “Yes, yes, I think he did. He will try to live his life.”

“Not for long, I’d guess”, said Sam, grinning a bit sadly.

Cas didn’t reply.

A sigh left Sam’s mouth as he started to walk to another place in his memory. “But I know that he’ll do what’s right. Even though he’s stubborn and always choses what seems to be the worst for him, he’ll still make himself happy. I just know it.”

Castiel didn’t follow. He didn’t move at all, just staring at Sam. “You know, that he will most likely kill himself, don’t you, Sam?”

There was silence again – a little longer now. Sam took a deep breath and turned back to the angel. “Of course I know. This is my brother we’re talking about, no one knows him better than me. And that’s why I know that he’ll still fight. As long as he can, he’s going to fight.”

Cas nodded and said: “He said, that I should tell you, that you should watch your ass when he comes to heaven. Because he will kick your ass.”

Sam laughed slightly, shaking his head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. That suits him.”

Castiel smiled, then he looked back at the door. “I need to go. I still have much to clean up here.”

“Of course”, Sam said and went to hug Castiel. “I’ve always been grateful for your loyalty, you know that, Cas. You’ve done too much, I don’t know how I could ever thank you.”

Cas shook his head. “You’re dead because of me, Sam. Don’t thank me.”

Sam sighed and then hit the angel on the head, just slightly, but still a bit painful. “You idiot. It was my decision. You’re not to blame.”

A smile appeared on the man’s face and then he was gone.

Sam turned around, looking back at beautiful memories with Dean from their childhood. He sure missed this, but he knew, that when Dean came, they would talk about every single memory. But he would not want to rush it. Dean needed to live his life as long as he managed to and Sam would get along, even though he was pretty lonely.

“Just make sure you come here and don’t go down there”, he said, sitting down in his chair, still watching the memories, a smile on his face. “And I can’t wait for you to kick my ass, jerk.”


End file.
